To Whom it May Concern:
No. You don't get a name. This letter will be as brief and impersonal as possible because to be honest, you don't deserve any more of my time.
Let me just start by giving out a great big WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Whew! What a bullet I dodged! I am so glad I did not end up with you!!!!!
I could fill this letter up with so much maliciousness, but really what is the point? I don't have to because (here's the secret in case you haven't figured it out...) I won. I ended up with everything I ever wanted and none of the nonsense you brought to the table. Last I heard, you had finished up a stint in rehab and were dating some trashy stripper. I'm sure your life is still in chaos because that's what you thrive in. I'm just so glad you moved away and I got the opportunity to see what a douche bag you really are. You also helped me see everything I don't want in a man and allowed me to fully appreciate what a phenomenal love I have now.
I could say I wish you nothing but the best, but that would be a complete and total lie. I want nothing more than to never hear your name or see your face again. I'm not angry, I'm just so over it and it's not worth a second more of my time.
Toodles,
Charity
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